Love, Then

Hi there.

So, keeping up with this blog may not seem to be a huge commitment. However, with the stresses of transferring schools and maintaining a job, I’ve let my focus for this blog slip to the wayside. That said, I’m not done here, and still have a lot to say, so please stay tuned. For those of you who have continually supported me throughout this transitional period of my life, I appreciate every ounce of your encouragement.

Now, on to the fun stuff. I’ve written a new poem. This one is not spoken word, even though I’ve written a new one of those as well. God has really got me thinking about our fickle human hearts. How we are so quick to give them away to anyone but Him. How we blame Him when we are hurt. How we hardly ever notice how much we’re hurting Him.

This is sort of a personal poem; it’s the first one I’ve put my name in. When you come to that point in the poem, though, I’d like you to substitute my name with yours. Disclaimers out of the way, here’s my new poem called “Love, Then.” Enjoy.

 

is it better then, not to be in love

to spare our hearts the need for healing

the waste of hurting

is it more clever then, to shut them away

these fragile beating things

should we hide them where no thief

will think to look

let us bury them so deep

that they won’t be

worth the reaching for

where there’s only fear in the finding

and if i never wrap up

this heart with a bow

never give anyone any

chance to hold it with their two hands

how will that not help to keep it hinged

all ready i’ve starting stacking

and so with skipping stones

i’ll build a tower so tall that

You especially won’t peer

through to the pulsing

so is this my last prayer, then

this grand poem

this notion of nail and hammer hideaway

here inside these four walls

i suppose i’ll sit and wonder and wait

for whatever it is i thought might be worth

the hollowing of this heart

the emptiness of this chest

and in the cold dark corner of this cave i’ve made

i’ll waste time by listening to the ticking

every minute minding my own business

being a little too hard on myself for not

being able to let go and i’m learning

that there’s no such thing as numb

i’m just not anywhere near You

in my head and yet this heart still

feels you close by

in the quiet

and real soft You say my name

and i can’t help but hear it

some sort of hum

from right outside this stony home

a hymn, then

and when i wipe the dust from my

worn out memory of a muscle

i won’t even bother

wishing for miracles

and yet You begin to break

down these walls i built to keep

You out Your hands tossing rocks

Your heart here to have me back

and You’ve seen the sign I painted and

placed above the doorway

which says no love allowed

and for the first time in

forever i look at your face

and see sadness there in those eyes

a certain kind of kindness in Your

half smile that makes this heart

ache a little more than it ever has

and how could it be that withholding

this barely beating bit of me

would be the thing to break it

and why would You be so willing

to be the One who saves it

without words i look up at You

i don’t know how to say the opposite

of i told You so so here

in this sweet silence i let you speak instead

You reach up and brush a strand of hair behind my left ear

and gently lean in to kiss my forehead

no, You simply say, and see i’m not quite sure

how to take it so You take the seat beside me

and wrap Your arm around my right shoulder

You say, I’m answering your question

no, sweet sarah, that heart of yours

was made to be Mine

and when you were inside your mommy’s tummy

i told it to beat for Me

to race, to ring, to pound, to pulse for Me

and when you begin to wonder whether it’s

better not to be in love the answer will always

be no and I know this

for when I dreamed of you

before you breathed your first

I knew what you would do

knew you would run like wind

in the other direction

knew you would steer clear of spending time with Me

Knew you would hate Me and hurt Me and leave Me

loving you the same

and surely I never stopped loving You

not even for a second

sometimes, My dear, I must show you that

to have a heart is worth the hurting

but here, in these hands of Mine, I will

keep yours safe and sound

and I will never leave you to fend for yourself

one day you’ll figure out that I give

to you what this world cannot

so beautiful and big, you couldn’t

fit a bow around it if you wanted to,

this heart

and here, my darling

it’s yours to have

so this is love, then

Advertisements

One thought on “Love, Then

  1. This made me cry…I believe it will resonate with many others as it did with me…I will keep this with my devotional materials and read it again and again to remind me that His love is agape (unconditional)–not performance-based. Grace, distilled down to its purest form. Truly, what can separate me from the love of Christ? Answer: NOTHING–Not even me–and THAT’s the Good News! Thank you, dear Sarah, for allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through your fingers to bless His children.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s